My GOSH! Has it been a LONNNGGG time since I have posted on here. Shame on ME! Well I will do all I can to keep it going this time.
So much to say, so much to catch up on. But will try to make it brief as I can if that is possible.
Well, since my last post, life took a crazy turn in 2012. So many things happened.
After Sarah's surgery, in August Darin lost his job. We were just stressed and stretched beyond belief. Then in October my dad unexpectedly passed away. Still does not seem real. December my step dad had surgery to remove a brain tumor that was found due to a different health issue he was having. Thankfully he has had a full recovery.
Bring us to 2013. At the end of January of 2013, I decided to become baptized. That was one amazing day... I know the exact moment my old life ended and my new one began. That I will carry with me always.
The very next day, Darin left to Arizona to start a new job in a different state Texas. So since then, he has been traveling and working a lot. Most of 2013 I played the role of a "single mom". Its was and still is overwhelming, but surprisingly empowering. I did not realize how much I could really do on my own.
Not to say that I don't have help. I am blessed to have family and our wonderful providers. We had a few changes in providers from 2012 to 2013, which looking back, was in the cards. Not a good thing, but not a bad thing either, just how things needed to be. Currently we have 2 wonderful ladies that I know love and care for Sarah and really are there for Hannah as well as for me. It's been a wonderful balance and the consistency, dependability and especially predictability has played a HUGE role is Sarah's recent progress and played an even huger role in keeping my sanity. (lol!!)
Sarah also started therapies at A Brighter Avenue. She is currently receiving Speech, Feeding, Occupational and Physical Therapy. February will be a year she has been with them. Holy Moly time has flown by!!!!
Sarah is finally starting to engage, listen, be calm and follow directions. Just seeing her pay attention and do what is asked of her, with out her trying to escape or avoid the task by being onery, is a HUGE HUGE step for her. She is smart enough to do what is asked, its just a matter of her trusting and being comfortable, and that is finally is. What a happy mom I am!
Issue with the families health had been good. But I did have a few scares in September of last year. As I was going to my yearly "Well Woman" check, there was a lump that was found in my breast.
So I was sent to get a mammogram and then they decided to do a ultrasound the same day. I really became nervous and thought..... "Oh heck no....not now!!!!!!" As far as all of our health, things have been going well. So like I usually do, when in a stressful situation, I go on survival mode and shut down emotionally. I have not choice when you have little ones depending on you. You can not fall apart.
Soon after I had to have the lump aspirated and was so very sore for the next week. That had to of been one of the hardest times for me emotionally in such a long time. I did all I could to not think about it, but it weighted heavily on my heart, my soul and I shut down just to get through each day. I did not share this with many because any sympathy or talking about it before any results came in, I was terrified would trigger emotions and I would fall apart. I was not going to let that interfere with me talking care of my girls. I could not chance that at all. I was so fearful any emotional anything would break me and I could not afford that.
Several days later I got the call that I was in the clear. WOW!!!!!!! What a HUGE weight off my shoulders. After the news sunk in, I basically said to my self... "Ok... what next? and "Lets move on!" I just thank GOD that is was not cancerous.
So a few other disappointment happened and once again I said to myself.... "Just move on." I cant live my life in the past, the should of's, could of's and would of's. It does not solve anything. I have also realized in certain areas of our lives, I now know more than ever what we need to thrive and progress. Especially in Sarah's world.
As far as our Miss Sarah, she has just blossomed! We have had a few but huge changes that I know have effected her personally, but I have found talking to her when we have that one on one time while I take her to appointments or therapy, really help.
When I pick her up from school and I am told she is having a bad day, like we all do, I will TALK to her. Especially if there is something going on at that moment in our lives, I will talk TO her. No radio, no other noise. Just her and I in conversation. I can see in her eyes she DOES understand and absorb what is being said. I can tell because soon after we do have our "conversations" her days at school seem to improve.
Hannah.... oh my Hannah! She is such a smart child. She was on the Honor Roll twice last year and is still getting really good grades. She is still swimming twice a week and loves it. Some days she is just not in the mood to go, but I have to hand it to her, she still follows through and I am very proud of her.
I think however, she is hitting the "tween" a bit early, especially with all the emotions flying all over the place at times. My New Years Eve resolution was to not get upset so quickly. So I am working on being calm during any storms that occur between her and I. She hates that I am not reacting like I used to. She thinks that I don't care, I do, but its just not worth getting mad or upset about and she is puzzled. Its quite funny at times.
Last and this will be the beginning of my next post, soon, Sarah seems to be having a whole lot more of the spacey episodes. I have a call and email in to the neurologist office to see what we can do.
Lots of appointments next week as well and will go into that then.
Lets see if I can keep this one going! :-))))
